2008 Craig Sudoku

Sid Steals the Show

“Sydney? – I thought Larry had moved to Melbourne” “No. Sid – it’s Sid – a visitor from the Hawke’s Bay.” “And he shot 45 stablefords – your having a giraffe aren’t you?” “Yes but Murf shot 46 and he’s also a visitor from Hawke’s Bay … more than a bit suspect those Magpies ” “What the blazes are those farken useless carnts that call themselves a Handicapping Commitee up to then?” “They’re farken having a laugh Sig, me dropped as captain too?”

Just one of many coherent conversations following a highly controversial first day’s play at a scorched Rangatira GC for JWMGC X and one that will become known as the “brown envelope Woodpecker”

Other less coherent conversations included “what the hell was in that jug I just chopped? It tasted like schnapps”.

In an unrelated incident an unidentified past JWMGC champ was heard to mutter more than once “anyone for a shot of Grappa?” Sid, Murfitt, Doocey and Simon Schteemin would play as final four on day two but the big surprise in the top eight was none other than Bruce “call me Moose” Gawn.

A distinct lack of appetite threatened coherence at a Thai restaurant before the playing 32 fragmented to all of Palmy’s hottest nightspots. Trouble threatened at a certain upmarket bar and a select group was 86ed for leaving an obvious trail in the disabled ablutions. A certain online editor removed all evidence from the scene and the party rolled on (safety first – Ed).

Saturday morning and all but one of the 2008 Woodpeckers took to Manawatu GC. The token (isn’t that tokin? Ed) Samoan joined play after three or four holes. Education specialist Danny Smurfette learnt a lesson in complete golf and tumbled from overnight leader to finish 14th.

Hawke’s Bay visitor Sid saw challengers fall away and swallowed, among other things, his opportunity by posting 37 stablefords to become the 10th JWMGC champion and what a GC he is for taking all the stick he got in his stride.

A True Champion


The first-ever tie for a podium finish between fellow Magpies Simon Schteemin and Danger was traditionally decided in the clubhouse. Three seconds later, Danger was given the silver, and 67 seconds after that, Simon Schteemin collected the bronze.

Into the night, and in a stroke of luck, the venue that 86ed a splinter group on Friday night also hosted prize giving. Peta Hunt summonsed all his pubic (sic) speaking skills, and the jacket and trophy were presented to the new champ, Sid. Sid quickly announced Taupo would be the venue for JWMGC 2009 as it’s the most likely spot to get into fights with local bogans (Sid’s never been to Hamilton then – Ed).

Magpies skipper and tournament imbibers supervisor Simon Schteemin quickly dismissed any potential cracks in the defending Magpies, but only time will tell if the fourth-best player never to win a Woodpecker can galvanise his charges to a historic repeat team win.