Taupo 2008 – Magpies

The Magpies Press Release

In one of the more bizarre twists to JWMGC 2009, the Fraser Moors Memorial Kauri has been reclaimed by the Magpies.

An accounting error from Dave “Horks for Life” Henry on his last round meant rather than a miraculous comeback by Henry he went down 8 and 5 to Nude Vaginor.

Yes, that is not a mistake. Down 8 and 5 to Nude Vaginor. This surely cemented his place as the worst player to never win a Woodpecker.

It also cemented the Magpies as clear winners on head-to-head. The recount issue led to some fiery exchanges between former Magpies captain Simon Schteemin and Swans stalwart John Weak.

Having got his hands on the trophy at the prize giving Weak seemed adamant he could take it to the engravers. However sober calculations highlighted the error and Henry admitted his part in the debacle. “It was a tough call. To either go with a guy who’d made the tournament by leaving a one-week-old son at home or ‘fess up and go with a team of flashers that towed that stupid bird into the car park at Wairakei”.

Weak ruminated on the loss but felt that discretion was the better part of valour.

“It could have been seen as the forward pass that sunk the ABs in Cardiff – tough luck. But it could also have been seen a bit like Ernesto Bertarelli – Swiss cheese. So I’ve posted the Kauri back to Simon Schteemin and will be tipping a cold one to the great Kauri himself tonight. I’m sure he’ll crack at the whole debacle.”

Simon Schteemin was even more circumspect in his acceptance of the prized trophy.

“You beauty. I didn’t even have to pick up a point either day and we still whipped all you pussies. “

Scoop – JWMGC guest reporter