No combovers prevail
Moving back faster than a Taradale innkeeper’s hairline, staff at Auckland’s venereal (sic) Titirangi Golf Course gave a nervous welcome to members of JWMGC XIV as they disgorged from their first mode of transport on day one. After years at the practice range he finally knocks the bastard off.
As a number of members at the course were heard to mutter about slipping quality standards, most of the fresh hackers could only comment on the “Flash Cat’s” choice for day one. As the host with the ghost off his back gave the traditional karakia, a squabble broke out as one Bay City Realtor accidentally stood on his own candy.
Before any scramble could ensue a street kid from Rongotai swooped like a true Hawk and made off with the crumbs.
In perfect conditions for quality golf, all eyes turned to the newbies to check for any signs of burglary. Big bad Brad G-House made all veterans feel comfortable by piecing together a round score of 9 stabies. At the other end of the scoresheet, nobody was more surprised to see two Horks leading than motor-man Spruce Lawn and man-with-motor Machine McHardy.
As darkness descended on West Auckland, Sliver Shaw flushed the pan and the field emptied their colostomy bags as the bus headed further west to Riverhead. Overnight co-leader McHardy was heard to mention he’d really like the chance for a shave before heading back into town.
A crisis was narrowly averted at Riverhead tavern as the sergeant-at-arms finally located a 2 litre jug to let the freshies and absentees chop their punishment sweet. As the field engorged onto the second mode of transport for the day, veteran players roused Simon Schteemin from his first slumber and the show hit the Waitemata. One of the obliging crew was able to accommodate McHardy his wish and appeared to grant a few more from the aft facilities.
As the ship of fools ran aground in Auckland proper, normal service resumed and the shambles unfolded till dawn.
Waking up a touch throaty, Falcons chairman Peta Hunt rose above and guided the tour party to another day of sunshine among the gannets at Muriwai.
In a leading group that was Hawk heavy, the lone Magpie Qualmark Johnson quickly put himself out of contention with a fair John Daly impression. Sensing opportunity fellow Magpies Dr Danger and Slumlord Tremain made a move. However, nobody could predict what happened next.
Out of the sunshine flew the nudest Falcon to play the game, the Benny Hill double from Three Kings, Ed Woodward finally delivered on years of wasted efforts. Yes, the online supremo, the publishing impresario, the softly handicapped digital Dave streaked home with 39 points to take out JWMGC XIV.
Scorecard
Player | HC | RND 1 | ST | RND 2 | ST | F |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Dave Wayward | 29 | 103 | 32 | 99 | 39 | 71 |
Spruce Lawn | 36 | 107 | 35 | 111 | 33 | 68 |
Mark Gemstone | 21 | 93 | 34 | 101 | 28 | 62 |
Henry Gate | 18 | 91 | 34 | 99 | 28 | 62 |
Darren Stalone | 32 | 116 | 26 | 105 | 36 | 62 |
Simon Schteemin | 27 | 100 | 33 | 108 | 28 | 61 |
Yawn Morsely | 17 | 94 | 29 | 96 | 30 | 59 |
Simon Chur | 25 | 100 | 31 | 106 | 28 | 59 |
Steve McSofty | 30 | 101 | 35 | 115 | 23 | 58 |
Myke Bollok | 21 | 101 | 27 | 99 | 31 | 58 |
Mick Fight | 24 | 97 | 33 | 108 | 24 | 57 |
Nude Vaginor | 36 | 116 | 26 | 113 | 31 | 57 |
Mick Nillichip | 33 | 115 | 25 | 110 | 32 | 57 |
Dean Brownarse | 26 | 107 | 25 | 103 | 31 | 56 |
Don Sure | 26 | 106 | 26 | 104 | 30 | 56 |
Larry Bonding | 26 | 108 | 25 | 103 | 31 | 56 |
Barry Traill | 12 | 90 | 28 | 93 | 27 | 55 |
Frazr Poland | 31 | 111 | 28 | 113 | 26 | 54 |
Peta Hunt | 9 | 89 | 26 | 90 | 27 | 53 |
Jon Loveanich | 18 | 99 | 25 | 102 | 24 | 49 |
Craig Sudoku | 19 | 101 | 24 | 104 | 24 | 48 |
Deane Sure | 25 | 116 | 17 | 103 | 31 | 48 |
Juan Stoked | 30 | 113 | 23 | 114 | 24 | 47 |
Mr Burguezz | 30 | 110 | 26 | 119 | 20 | 46 |
Danny Smurfette | 29 | 105 | 30 | 127 | 15 | 45 |
Dr Zooce | 25 | 115 | 20 | 109 | 25 | 45 |
Alaine Hunks | 36 | 124 | 18 | 122 | 22 | 40 |
Drewe Meetz | 25 | 115 | 19 | 113 | 21 | 40 |
Fabio Rossini | 19 | 104 | 22 | 115 | 17 | 39 |
Malachy Mivnan | 29 | 117 | 20 | 120 | 19 | 39 |
Jon Jon Waveless | 31 | 131 | 12 | 127 | 18 | 30 |
Rad Steakhouse | 30 | 137 | 9 | 130 | 12 | 21 |