Stalone cruises to title

Burglar of note Darren Stalone was made to work for his victory by Mike Smyth (otherwise known as Mr Nice Guy) and Nude Vaginor before pulling away over the final few holes for a deserved three shot victory.

Stalone, who finished second in 2020, had learned how to lose it before you win it, became the TAB favourite after pre tournament favourites Mr Burguezz(penalised 4 shots by the Handicapping Committee) and Spruce Lawn (too schteemy)  failed to spark 

When asked about the final round, Stalone become very vague when he said that he couldn’t remember who the fourth player in the group was but has since come out about it (and the scorecards reveal that player was Falcon Dr Zooce).

“I knew that I was on fire and it was my time when Dr Zooce jumped into bed with me and fornicated wildly for moist of Thursday night! I was slightly put off by his aroma and amnesia the next day but brushed it off and played the best 18 holes of my life!” (Stalone shot a personal best score of 93 and a massive 47 stableford points).