2025 Sir Tim Burgess

How to win the Woodpecker

1. Spend some in contention in many prior Woodpeckers.  Get comfortable at the top. Smell but don’t taste victory.   Save your powder for that day you know is coming.
2. Dress like a winner.  Stay away from those cringy outfits sent to you by Magpies design team.  Take inspiration from Sir Pita. He knows how to dress for success.  You need to feel like a golfer not a gopher.
3. Play from behind. Ideally the third group back.  The leading groups will not see you coming until the fat lady is ready to sing (Ride on the Tim Train – Cat Stevens).
4. Play with Flighty.   He is not Flighty at all.  He is really Groundy because he is so well grounded.  Maybe even Floaty because he has lots of boats and can ride a storm. 
5. Play with Sir Pita.  He is a winner.  Well – he can also be a loser but that only adds to his voice of reason when the heat comes on.  When he birdies the second you birdie the third.  You do a small fist pump and give him that look that says “Tom has come to play”.
6. Question gimmies
   • “How long were you gimmies Jon Jon Waveless?” (2022)
   • “How long were you gimmies Hawx?” (2021)
7. You par the fifth and sixth.  You are not even thinking about the Woodpecker.  Focusing on those Kauri points for your adopted team the Magpies.
8. You birdie the ninth and log 25 stabbies for the front nine.  Your little voice says “don’t think about the Woodpecker”.
9. On the back nine things start to unravel as that little voice keeps mentioning the Woodpecker. Flighty keeps you on the ground. 
10. It’s a tough back nine. Burning through a few balls. Out comes the Shoe Box.  Pandoras Box. Could go either way but because this is your day you take the plunge.
11. You right the ship and sail into the harbour of the eighteenth green.  Woodsie and Fraser are there to welcome you.  It’s your time.
12. Write a good speech and start with tikanga to teach your mates culture. 
13. Take the jacket like you’ve always owned it . 
14. Love the moment. It will stay with you forever – even when you are demented because of poor lifestyle decisions – you will still recall this day.  
15. There can only be one – Sir Tim Burgess.  Kia Kaha.