Bonding Loses Woodpecker Funds

Johnny Woodpecker fund manager Larry Bonding was again under the spotlight after another poor investment decision resulted in the fund losing 10% overnight after he plunged half of the fund on Mr Burguezz to win the 2021 Woodpecker without first checking the TAB odds.

Such was the volume of money bet on Burgess that the TAB reduced his odds to a world-first price of $0.90, meaning an instant 10% loss for any successful bet, and a catastrophic 50% loss if Burgled fails to win. After the Cavalier Carpet debacle and Bonding’s failure to invest in Cannasouth shares that doubled in price after recommended to him, Bonding is under increasing pressure to keep his spot as the Fund Manager.

“The Magpies are paying $1.01 to win their third successive Fraser Moors trophy and with Minor now only paying $1.55 to win the 2021 Woodpecker I figured sticking with near certainty in Burgled was the smart option. Even the champ was saying it’s Burgled’s to lose!”

Horks captain Alaine Hunks expressed complete dismay at Bonding who he almost axed from the 2021 team due to concerns over his fitness. “It took him 16 hours to go for a run, do some kayaking and go for a wee cycle and he only just made it up a tiny little sandhill at the finish line, it really did become a tight decision whether or not to put him ahead of Shithouse!”.