There is no i in team. There is an i in vagina.
Magpies Move Goalposts
After two months of internal turmoil, former Magpie players Nude Major and Simon Chur are now on their own.
2025 Swans Hikuai
Former powerhouse team, the Swans showed that they are back and the team to beat with a convincing victory in the rain.
2025 Sir Tim Burgess
Sir Tim Burgess has become a better golfer and won in style taking Sir Peter's status off him in the process.
Worst Captains Ever
In response to multiple complaints from players (NZG players) an internal investigation has revealed the source of the corruption.
Drewe the Blue that was Red
When Long Strokes created the Fantails as a feeder system for newbies, no-one imagined that he was creating a cockfest.
The Fire Chief and the Elephant
Every past champion knows the real reason why they never want to win the trophy twice and that is the dreaded firetruckers.
The Rise and Rise of The Burglar
Danny Muftit shot -23 and finished second. Any other year bar 2024 he would have won by at least 7 shots.
Calypso Collapso
From the highs of becoming only the second player to win twice to the lows of having to be on the lookout for cock.
Let it Go Foundation
There are a number of treatments available for male pattern baldness, but no cure. We help senior men cope with their loss.
Pond Betting Turns to Flood
A massive betting plunge on Steve Pond has forced the TAB to stop taking any bets on the new favourite.
The Magpies release MagpieGPT
There’s a poster in the office of the CEO of a Hawkes Bay real estate company that has no titties and arse on it.
Making The Hawx Handsome
Donald Trump has the saying "Making America Great Again" - now The Hawx have copied it thanks to their new captain.
Schteemin TAB Favourite
2016 Champion Simon Schteemin has had to resubmit his scorecards amid concerns of inflatio scorus.
The Magnificent Magpies
It’s hard to come to superlatives for the Magnificent Magpies who continue to dominate the sport like no other.
Swans ageing like a fine Pinot
The last time the Swans won any trophy was 11 years ago playing on their local course in Wanaka.
Sickman Legend Grows
Sickman is vindicated by his boldness in going against the brief and mixing colours to create golfing outer-wear for the ages.
The Maori and the Pīwakawaka
Hawx look to local iwi and Pīwakawaka legend to bring home the Fraser Moors Memorial Trophy.
WhatsApp Handicapping Debarcle
After 25 years of the status quo and if it ain't broke, the Mosquito and the Falcons look to change history.
Falcons sack SLT
Jon Jon Waveless has taken over the captaincy of the Falcons with Jake Hay moving to a talent identification role.
An Ode to the Handicaps
Hail you Capulet contrivers, supporters of NZGA sageness, cut me not to the quick with your sharp penned reduction.
Minor the Major
Any normal person that continued to lose untold balls and was forced to skull jugs of beer would have given up.
Magpie Tom
A wee David Bowie-esque verse about the only way the Slytherins can beat the Magpies top duo at Moose Lodge.
Shivellosis and COVID-19
Health investigators are looking into a possible link between Magpie Mal Sickman's Shivellosis and the COVID-19 virus.
Once Were Golfers
Did you know that Steve Humperdinck, the greatest golfer to have ever played in the Johnny Woodpecker can never win?
The Only True Falcons
Happy and still very much in love. Swan lovers Loveanitch and Brownarse reveal their secret formula for staying fresh and gay.
Event Cancelled
Fart Letgo major event sponsor Simon Schteemin said that it was inevitable that the popular yearly event would be cancelled.
Mr Muftit & the Swans
Mr Murfitt is becoming recognised as a real force and expert on educating old Swans Hirangatanga.
Hawx Star Hero
Hawx star Larry Bonding helped save the life of stranded French trekker up on Mount Everest Base Camp.
Falcons Smash Salary Cap
Fabio Rossini said they were delighted to sign someone of Lawless’s calibre but said it had nothing to do with the golf.
An Ode to The Woodpecker
Hawx vetarn Mike Smyth with his Ode to the Woodpecker from his time at the Fiji Classic in Denerau.
Minor becomes a Major
Rumours are beginning to surface that Simon Schteemin will not front on day two of the 2016 JWMGC classic.
Handicaps of The Woodpecker
We review the chances of each team winning the Fraser Moors Memorial trophy and highlight each teams weakness.
An Ode to Golf
A golf course is merely land being primed for high end residential real estate and a lifestyle investment for the wealthy.
JWMGC Selection Controversy
Allegations surrounding JWMGC selection criteria are getting hotter and that a bunch of JAFAs get to decide who plays.
Organiser Solves Space Crisis
Tournament organiser Dean Brownarse answered his critics today when he managed to find alternative accommodation for the Swans.
The Greatest Team Ever?
Alaine Hunks explains the how the Hawx rallied around McSofty after he failed a drugs test (he was deemed negative).
Keg Ordered for Skulls
Sergeant-at-arms Simon Schteemin has been licking his lips at the prospect of watching the chokers choke and the burglars biff.
Falcons Under Review
Like the V-neck Warriors there looks likely to be a salary (handi) cap review of the defending champion Falcons.
Bonding Sacked from Falcons
Larry Bonding was once a glittering jewel in the Falcon's crown, nominated as their Hot Man of the Year in 2003.
Players Mourn loss of Tane Mahuta
Timber, Tane Mahuta, Moors, Moorsy, Big Red, the fountain of all knowledge, Fra - you are gone but never forgotten.
