Falcon signs for Horks

Falcon veteran Dave Wayward has dramatically left the newly created Fantails to sign for 2015 Fraser Moors Memorial Golf Triple Champions – the Horks. Horks captain Alaine Hunks approached Woodward after discussing finding a replacement for Steve McSofty who was unavailable.

Tournament organiser and Fantail shareholder, Juan Stoked recommended Hucks find a replacement through his newly created franchise, the Fantails.

“Sad to hear about Machine – just draw from the pool of fantails. Choose wisely as there could be some roughies. The following players are already confirmed as part of the feeder series.” 

Fantail feeders

  • Mike Smyth
  • Mark Would
  • Rad Steakhouse
  • Lou Malesi
  • Guy Hilson
  • Juan Cooper
  • Dave Wayward
  • John Weak

Replacements were lining up to be part of the Horks and after a rigorous selection process, Woodward was approached. Former captain Cristal Wagstaff said that Woodward had always under performed under the Falcons leadership and would make an awesome Horks under the guidance of the misfits, especially since the KORDA Sisters have been enlisted as Technical coaches.

Korda sisters

Greatest achievement

Woodward jumped at the chance and hinted at issues within the Falcon culture.

“Having lived my live in Wellington I have always dreamed of being a Hawk. The Falcons all they talk about is money and stock portfolios and I don’t have either and I have to rent an Audi whenever I visit them. It’s like growing up in Liverpool but having to play for Manchester City.

To play for my hometown club and be amongst the Slytherins at this stage in my career feels to me like being naked and wearing UGG Boots at the same time. It would be my greatest achievement!

 Such an honour. I just love Makara chicks.”

Falcon culture issues revealed

Woodward’s transfer to the Horks has revealed all is not well with the once mighty Falcons.

Revered spokesman on Culture & The Human Condition
Deane SureMpbD, PhE, MBT, SOAB, FRBT, BUSPR speaks out.

“Of course you know that the Falcons wasn’t their original name. They used to be called The Faclons and if you look deeper into the origins of both names it’s easy to see why they are falling apart at the seams!”

  • Fac (warrior) and lon (large girth and length) = The Faclons 
  • Fal (falling, to lose; loser) and con (steal from your mother) = The Falcons