Falcons Rift Grows

Once the self-proclaimed greatest team to ever play in the Woodpecker, the Falcons are now a complete shambles as a huge rift develops between the players that originated as a wee spot in 2007, became a pimple in 2012 and last year turned into a huge festering buttock boil. 

Falcon veteran Woodward, now a hermit living in Paraparaumu, had raised concerns at the start of the 2007 tournament that captain Peta Hunt was poor at math and could not count past 10 and should not be involved with the teams event scoring.

Swans win in 2007

Concerns were raised in 2012 by an unidentified Falcon player with the advent of the Bambie Dancing Troupe at the Falcon organised event instead of Auckland schoolboy dance act Village Boyz. 

2011 Woodpecker champion Fabio Rossini then invested significantly to improve the Falcon brand after being woo’ed by the stunning Magpie Possumcap but was disappointed with Woodward’s original Monk concept. 

The Monk v The Possum

In 2020, a video implicating the greatest Falcon captain ever to captain the Falcons was leaked to the public resulting in Woodward’s instant dismissal from a well known Auckland Produce Company and he fled to Paraparaumu to teach web design to young boys. 

STOP PRESS

Concerns are mounting for the Falcon’s most promising player Jake Hay after it was revealed during a recent golf lesson that he was told to hit as many balls as possible in one minute.