The Mosquito is out. Frazr Poland – brand extraordinaire is in. Introducing The Hawx 2.0.
Poland wanted the team to stand out again, starting with pixels and letters. “The Magpie team has the most team and individual trophies, so I added The to our high-level brand guidelines as we wanted more letters than any other team.”
Poland is famous for transforming the wayward hillbilly Slytherins into Hawx back in 2011, and now, in 2024, he has transformed them again thanks to his new record signing Gayson Feely – a marketing guru of the holiest of gurus.
“Gayson is the Peshwari Naan of enlightenment, and it’s such a thrill to have him as part of the team. Such power and enlightenment will be upon us. Bless you Gayson – holiest of the holiest Brian Talbots.”
Gayson said he was delighted to become a Hawk, making playing golf within the Woodpecker much easier with a better brand. He was slightly concerned with Poland’s insistence on including the word The everywhere, even in singular.
“Playing golf is supposed to be easy, but playing golf in the Johnny Woodpecker is hard,” he said. “Technically, you can do it. But The Hawx alone have over 30 variants they consume before they tee off; no two Gummy Bears are the same.
And teeing off too early can be a significant problem because they love a tickle and some rumpy with the dirty girls and then get too schteemy; by the time they finish their rounds, they’re too schteemed and cost The Hawx a team win. The Woodpecker is a dynamic space; it changes quickly, so we needed the players to be agile.
Spruce Lawn is a classic example. He was peaking around the 11th or 12th holes and constantly getting stuck in bunkers, so we’ve made a rule that he stops driving after he’s chopped his third bot (normally Riesling and an occasional Sauvignon).”
