Minor becomes a Major

By A. Nonu-Mouse

Tweet: Rumours of Magpies captain and vice-captain no-shows for day two of JWMGC 2016.


In the biggest pot-call-kettle move in the history of JWMGC, rumours are beginning to surface that Magpies skipper and presidential candidate Simon Trumpmain will not front on day two of the 2016 classic.

If that’s not enough to tear a hole in the heart of the Magpies franchise, it now looks as if Trumpmain’s campaign manager and Magpies vice-captain Nude Vaginor will also fail to front on day two.


Defending champ and Horks squawkbox Alaine “have a drink of this” Huxtable is calling for answers from the property magnet (sic).

“Shooting his mouth off about building a wall between Hawke’s Bay and Wellington is easy, but it looks as if fronting up for two rounds of golf is too much.”

Trumpmain and Minor are both staying tight-lipped about their own personal travel arrangements for the annual conference, but renegade Magpie Darren Stalone was confident that Trumpmain would stay for the full tournament.

It’s really a case of logistics and the amount of hairspray we can all smuggle into Dunedin so that our leader of the free world looks great, not matter what the outcome.”

Self-appointed tournament judge and jury Peter “le hand’ Hunt says it’s too early to make a ruling on eligibility based purely on rumours, but he has an official enquiry team ready to go.

“In the case of early withdrawals, one can never put in too much preparation.”