Minor the Major

Sometimes you have to nearly taste victory to achieve victory.

Sometimes you have to suffer a bad loss to learn how to win.

If you think that you’re going to win, you’ll lose. If you think that you’re going to lose you’ll lose. Sometime, you’re just a loser, and reading stupid quotes will just fuck you off.

For Jude Major, it’s been a long hard road and he’s nearly at the summit. Starting his Magpie debut back in Whangamata back in 2006, he shot 136, nearly double the par round of 71 for the course and a near golfing downtrow and with it – a life ban from playing on any golf course in New Zealand.

10 years later in 2016 he shot 128 in Dunedin. An improvement of less than one stroke a year.

Any normal person that was a shit golfer and continued to lose untold balls and forced to skull over 400mls of beer in under 4 minutes* would have given up (* a proviso of 34 minutes was made for Magpie champion Craig Sudoku who suffered from a narrow gullet).

For Nude, it was time to prove the naysayers wrong and in 2019 everything changed.

He retired and didn’t give a shit.

2022 Favourite

16 years on, and Nude is now a proud grandfather and the favourite to win the Johnny Woodpecker Memorial Golf Classic.

Unfortunately for him, with favouritism comes the calling cry of “Burglar” from the great unwashed. Slytherins Cristal and the Mosquito along with angry Swan Camel Yawn Morsely and Falcon Monty Burns top the list with their war cries “Fuck the Police” without knowing the facts and bemoaning Nude’s rise from the bottom to the top.

To quote the legendary Swan Mick Fight, the greatest player who will never win a Woodpecker – correction – the second greatest player who will never win a Woodpecker – “he’s done his time”.

2022 Players to Beat

There can be only one …