Overpaid Jafas

Once the greatest team ever in the Johnny Woodpecker – now just a bunch of overpaid Jafas. The Falcons slide continued in 2010 when they finished last for the first time in their history and as a result slipped to third in the overall Woodpecker rankings.

To call them a team in turmoil would be an understatement. In 2010 their plans were in complete disarray before they had even started when star Australian import Paul Toia soiled his pants in the pre tournament build up and had to leave behind his favourite Blokes you can Trust grundies in the mens locker room.’


With best performing player in 2010 Lou Malesi moving to the Horks only to be replaced by the worst player seen on a golf course since Costa Gerondis, the Falcons are indeed a team on the slide. Their new recruit Jake Hay (aka Jackie) may even be odds on to break Costa’s record for the lowest stableford score ever.


Falcon spokesman Peta Hunt refuted any talk of Kelleher beating the record and said that it was pure speculation by the media after a fast finishing 135 from the new Falcon recruit at a recent Falcon training camp.

“We’ve got our burglar (Woodward) back and he’s yet to lose a singles match but he’s now 46 and getting older by the day. The other Falcons have nicknamed him Torres as his best days are behind him, bit like Fabio really, but he’s still hiting the ball a fair distance – it’s just a shame that he never recovers the ball.”


When asked about his recent form Woodward said: “I’ve been to the driving range at Ellerslie and I’m consistently getting it past the outer marker and onto the racetrack – it’s like a golf ball minefield out there now. Next time Simon Schteemin brings his horse The Party Stand to Ellerslie, the bend on the back straight is going to fcuk her up. Have you seen him lately – man that KFC habit of his is spiralling out of control!”