Spruce Lawn Favourite

Veteran Horks Spruce Lawn has become the new favourite to win Johnny Woodpecker XXIII.

A controversial decision made today  by the Handicapping Committee to deduct 4 points off the previous favourite Mr Burguezz, (reducing his handicap by 4 shots from 34 to 30) has left Lawn as the new man to beat in 2021.

Magpies captain Mr Burguezz said that it feels like a retroactive witch hunt, and he offered to take a 32 if the Committee applied the rule about all previous winners going to the official NZGA Handicap!

Players with NZGA handicaps

Player NZGA Handicap Woodpecker 
Steve Humperdinck 3.0 3.0
Peta Hunt 11.2 9.0
Barry Traill 12.0 9.0
John Weak 12.2 9.0
Don Sure 17.7 19.0
Mr Burguezz 22.9 30.0

Swans, Falcons and Horks captains have agreed to deduct Burgled down to 30.

Magpies captain Mr Burguezz said that it feels like a retroactive witch hunt, and he offered to take a 32 if the Committee applied the rule about all previous winners going to the official NZGA Handicap!

Handicapping Discussion *

So – now that we know Tim on a 23 NZGA – something that he would not disclose to us at our captains handicapping meeting – I am thinking that his handicap needs a review.  Playing 11 shots over your handicap is more than the usual incentive to become the champ.  Not very fair on other players wanting a crack at this trophy.  

On the night he did offer to come back to 32. 

I think 30 would be fairer.  That is 7 shots over what he would be on for any club comp.  As a comparison I play Woodpecker 3 shots under my NZGA. So if Tim were playing me he would effectively be getting a handicap bonus of 10 shots.  

Captains thoughts on this please?. 

I disclosed it. It was my first offer to drop 4 but you guys declined. 

This feels like a retroactive witch hunt, but I will take a 32 if you apply the rule about all previous winners going to official handicap! Do we have a deal?

To get a Nzga 23 handicap means there has been over 20 cards handed in and many below the 23.
4 less is taking the piss as in a good day Tim can obviously shoot sub 20. Jude is only 4 over his 32 NZGA HC as a comparison. So tim on a 32 would have 9 shots over his teammate.
Donald the ex champ beat horse on a 17 the other day. Also taking the piss.
I agree with Oose that if you have a NZGA handicap and won you should play off it( or less as the case with Hunto, Wik and Gaz – all playing at least 3 less)

So I suggest a 28 for Tim ( put him with a similar advantage as Jude) and a 17 for Donny Sure.

Have you ever vaped from your butthole?

For the sake of future situations we should set a precedent today that hold true going forward.

This is irrational and arbitrary. If I’d known the rules would change at the 11th hour I would never have got a membership or handed in any cards.

3 of the 4 skips have said 30.

The fact there are sneaky players like DM and JJ who don’t submit cards is reflected in their performance over the years.

We have never had to strip points before so I can only suggest grappa jugs 1st tee on day 2 if a crime is being committed in broad daylight.

You really can’t beat vaping menthol through your anus.

The Committee then turned their attention to Falcon Don Sure as he became the first player in Woodpecker history to get a second 5 stroke docking with his handicap cut from 24 to 19. To win it twice as a burglar could result in expulsion from the Woodpecker. 1,245 Youtube videos on how to chip, grip, drive, put and move your ball without anyone noticing.

The TAB now has Lawn as the outright favourite at $1.87 after he was seen driving to Petone KFC. 

* The Swans captain never mentioned anything about menthol