Swans Lose Star Player to Shopping

In what’s probably nowhere close to the scandal of Tiger Woods, but still with a strong Nordic connection, inaugural JWMGC champion John Weak (Wik) has been officially scratched from the 2012 tournament in Auckland.

The death of Wik’s golfing, business and personal style mentor Steve Jobs has had a much bigger impact than any of those in the Woodpecker world may have imagined and caught many by surprise.

“He was like a Catholic priest and I was like his altar boy,” was all a teary Wik could manage when announcing his withdrawl from the 2012 field.


Swans skip and schist magnet (sic) Yawn Morsely took a more pragmatic view and shone further light on the murky tale proffered by Wik. “Benny Bjorn or whatever his name is this week is actually going on holiday with his Missus to Australia, which is possibly the poorest excuse for a JWMGC no-show. To think we used to call the guy a Swan is embarrassing to the team. He didn’t know Steve Jobs at all, he just likes skivvies.”

It’s a change in fortune for the once inseparable Southern Lakes confidants. The pair used to regularly train together on a steady diet of calf raises and bladder strengthening work under the tutelage of renowned Swans trainer and hardman Dean “Cowboy” Shaw.

So as the Swans desperately search for an able replacement at the 11th hour, the entire Falcons team has been for its final fitting at Hugo Boss for its 2012 formal wear.