2024 Handicaps
| Player | NZG | AVG HC | 2024 |
| Steve Pond | None | 69.5 | 36 |
| Jake Hay | None | 48.0 | 36 |
| Spruce Lawn | None | 39.2 | 36 |
| Steve McSofty | None | 38.0 | 36 |
| Jon Jon Waveless | 32.6 | 38.2 | 35 |
| Arran Hunks | None | 45.5 | 34 |
| Mick Nillichip | None | 33.5 | 34 |
| Deane Sure | None | 41.3 | 32 |
| Frazr Poland | None | 34.3 | 32 |
| Dean Brownarse | None | 33.2 | 32 |
| Malachy Sickman | None | 42.8 | 31 |
| Drewe Meetz | None | 31.5 | 31 |
| Danny Muftit | None | 30.8 | 31 |
| Paul Walkingtotown | 29.3 | 39.0 | 31 |
| Dave Wayward | None | 34.7 | 29 |
| Mark Would | None | 30.5 | 29 |
| Simon Schteemin | 27.1 | 28.7 | 29 |
| Dr Zooce | None | 29.3 | 28 |
| Blowin Brown | None | 29.0 | 28 |
| Larry Bonding | 25.2 | 26.8 | 27 |
| Simon Chur | None | 30.2 | 27 |
| Chris Twopoohs | None | 26.5 | 26 |
| Nuda Vaginor | 29.9 | 31.3 | 26 |
| Mick Fight | 21.5 | 28.8 | 25 |
| Butch Castles | 24 | ||
| Gayson Feely | 24 | ||
| Mark Gemstone | 20.7 | 23.0 | 23 |
| Cristal Wagstaff | None | 25.2 | 22 |
| Craig Sudoku | None | 24.8 | 22 |
| Mr Burguezz | 19.2 | 27.1 | 22 |
| Juan Stoked | 25.7 | 30.3 | 22 |
| John Loveanich | None | 22.3 | 21 |
| Don Sure | 18.8 | 20.0 | 21 |
| Myke Bollok | None | 23.5 | 18 |
| Fabio Rossini | 16.3 | 21.8 | 18 |
| Danny Lee | 15.5 | 19.5 | 18 |
| Yawn Morsely | 14.3 | 16.5 | 16 |
| Barry Traill | 9.6 | 16.2 | 12 |
| Peta Hunt | 9.6 | 12.3 | 12 |
| Steve Humperdinck | 1.2 | 5.8 | 3 |
2023 – Handicap Lollifest
The current process of requesting handicapping adjustments has been scrapped and those players that have an NZGA handicap get +2 for slope variance and blauzen-heizenkoosen (a new word introduced by the committee to cover everything else).
Overall Team Adjustments
- Falcons +3
- Magpies +6
- Swans +7
- Horks +13
Team HC Averages
- Horks 30.7
- Magpies 28.5
- Falcons 24.4
- Swans 22.3
Biggest Bumbles by HC
- Stealin +8
- Sickman +5
- Gemstone +4
- Poland +4
- Burgled -10
Just goes to show. You choke too many years in a row and the system changes on you and suddenly you’re -10
“What it does is bring everyone back into it and we’re struggling to determine the current favourite as you could spread a blanket over the chances now (except for those that haven’t won it)”
TAB Spokesperson
2022 – Swans Dominate Awards
The former greatest team ever to play in the Johnny Woodpecker just became even stronger and has become the favourite to win the Kauri Trophy after the Handicapping Committee awarded the Swans an additional 9 shots to their handicaps. Much has been made of the profound influence of new Swan captain Barry “Whiria te tāngata” Traill after their previous captain John Loveanitch preferred to focus on the buzz from anal menthol vaping.
